kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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