Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
