You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
