Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
