Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
