I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
