Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
