I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
