I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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