he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
