Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
