We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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