This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
