my room smells like sperm. sweet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Panties = found
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
