honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
