when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
