thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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