idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize