what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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