Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
