I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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