Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
