At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
