apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
