true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
