My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
