you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
