The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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