Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
