Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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