Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
