toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
