I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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