What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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