i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
