yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
