Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
