I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
