Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
