Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Say something about gay babies.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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