it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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