i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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