Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
