She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
