kristin has been a bad kristin
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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