and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize