Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
