the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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