dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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