Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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