thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
