It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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