If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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