this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
