Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
