??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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