They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
