You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
