i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
