Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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