Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
