im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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