I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
