Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
