One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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