that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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