if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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