All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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