I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think my mom watched the whole time
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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