the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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