Say something about gay babies.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
