u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
