Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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