hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
