I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
