You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
