how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
