grandma shit on top of the toilet
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
