Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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