youre lurking in front of me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
