BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
